It goes without saying that fostering will rock your world and change the dynamics in your home dramatically. And when your new addition has a different ethnic background than yours, the changes will likely be more pronounced, since there’ll be one more thing separating your reality from theirs. This will provide countless opportunities to demonstrate to your child that you truly do want to know them on a deep level and understand what makes them, them—including where they came from, the traditions of their culture, and how these influence who they are.
To make them feel safe, seen, and valued, here’s a practical, compassionate guide to help foster parents meet the unique cultural and emotional needs of minority children in their care.
- Acknowledge, Don’t Ignore, the Racial and Cultural Difference—So many well-meaning foster parents think it’s better to say “I don’t see color” as they seek to embrace their Black foster child, for instance. Claiming to be color blind simply ignores the reality that the child sees it, and so does the world around them. So instead of avoiding the topic, affirm that their cultural identity is an important part of who they are. Communicate, “I may not know everything about your culture yet, but I want to learn.”
- Learn About Their Culture Proactively—It’s your job to actively learn about your foster child, whether Black, Latino, Native American, Asian, Middle Eastern, or any other cultural group. One good place to start is learning the correct pronunciation of their name (and the names of their birth family members) and any words or phrases unique to their culture. Read books, watch documentaries, listen to podcasts, and find articles about their specific heritage and history. As you seek to understand their customs and holidays, make it fun for the whole family. For example, cook an Indian meal together or allow your Indian child to teach you some culinary tricks he might already know!
- Include Cultural Representation in Your Home—Be aware and ready to have books and toys that reflect your foster child’s ethnic background. Perhaps a doll that looks just like her or a puzzle or cartoon that reminds him of himself! Find art, music, and media that celebrate their culture, and attend cultural events and festivals that celebrate them!
- Connect with Cultural Role Models—It’s important that you aren’t your foster child’s only mirror, especially when you don’t have the same skin color or background. They need to see successful, empowered adults who look like them. Build relationships with mentors, coaches, or community leaders who share their cultural identity. Find racial affinity groups, clubs, or events in your area. If possible and appropriate, stay connected to their biological family to help maintain cultural roots. Also, ask your case worker if there are cultural support organizations for foster youth in your area.
- Learn to Talk About Race Openly and Age-Appropriately—Don’t let the race conversation be swept under the rug. Even young children experience racism and bias. Avoiding the topic altogether can leave children feeling confused or ashamed. Acknowledge that racism exists and that it is absolutely wrong. Create safe spaces to talk about their experiences or ask questions whenever they need to. Finally, teach them pride in their identity and equip them with tools for handling discrimination.
- Be Willing to Unlearn and Accept Correction—Cultural awareness is about being teachable and humble, not perfect. Listen when others correct you, especially those from the same community as your foster child. Avoid defensiveness and embrace growth. Always be willing to apologize.
- Build a Support System and Keep Learning—Don’t try to go it alone. Seek out foster parent groups focused on cultural competency. Find anti-racism workshops. Read books on transracial foster parenting. Doing these things could be eye-opening in your journey to understand your child better.
All in all, when you take in a child from another ethnic or cultural background and you put in the effort to understand where they’ve come from (not just their personalities and preferences for pizza toppings), they will notice—and appreciate the lengths you’ve gone to in order to understand better who they are. And in the process, they just might get to know themselves better! That would truly be a win-win!
