As our attention turns to love this month, what a great time to express it to the precious foster children God has brought into your life. You can make a lasting difference in the life of your foster child by showing them how special they are! Harness the power of “Love Month” this year to try some of these ideas to demonstrate your care and affection for your foster children!
1. Leave your foster child surprise love notes. Take a small piece of paper and draw a picture of you and your foster child with hearts all around the two of you. Or write, “Thinking of you,” and paste some cute stickers all around the words. Stick it in his lunch box, or in his sock drawer, in the pocket of his coat where his hand will “accidentally” find it. It doesn’t have to be word-heavy or especially poetic or beautiful. The point is you took the time to do that. It shows you care.
2. Use touch to connect. That doesn’t mean you curl up and cuddle with your foster child. Your foster child may not be ready for intense physical contact with you. But you can use touch to connect in other, more subtle ways. When your foster child draws a nice picture, you might put your hand on the child’s hand or shoulder for just a second as you say something you like about the drawing. Touch can serve as validation or reinforcement and can help the two of you to bond. Watch for moments where such touch is appropriate, for instance, when your foster child makes the bed without being asked, or gets a much-improved grade on a spelling test.
3. Make time for you and your foster child to just be together. Everyone is busy. That’s the way life is today. And it’s exactly why, when you make time just to listen and be with your foster child, it shows the child that he or she is worthy of a parent’s time and attention. You can sit together and just be. If your child wants to talk, you can listen and respond. A great way to do this is to go to a park and sit on a bench together and just hang out, smelling the fresh air and pointing out things of interest.
4. Say nice things to your foster child. Really look at your foster child, see the positive, and express it in words. Just as you remember what your favorite teacher said to you, your foster child will remember the kind words you say to him or her forever. Even if the child must leave you in a month or two or three from now. He will know you saw him for his best quality. It will mean the world. He will feel loved.
5. Use the virtual world as a tool to connect. If your foster child is old enough to use technology, look for cool websites, funny memes, or music clips you can send along. You are getting to know each other and what you have in common. You’re building a relationship through experiencing these items together. The items you send along will also help the two of you develop a bond by giving you a topic for discussion. Encourage your foster child to share similar items of his or her choosing with you, too.
6. Listen, no matter how painful. Many foster children have sad or even shocking stories to tell. A foster child may really need to talk about his or her feelings. It can hurt to listen, especially if you’re tender-hearted. But listening is the biggest gift of all. Open your arms and offer a hug, or simply hold out a box of tissues. Most importantly, just listen, no matter how long it takes, no matter how often he needs to repeat his very real tale of woe. The fact that you’re listening lets your foster child know how very much he matters.
7. Take time to explain things and mentor your foster child. In a perfect world, parents teach their children all kinds of life lessons that will stand them in good stead as they make their way through life. It’s a difficult and confusing world for any child, but especially so for a child in the foster care system. Things adults think are obvious—such as looking both ways before crossing the street, the best way to hold a baseball bat, or how to make friends with a dog—may not be at all obvious to a foster child. Be on the lookout for teachable moments and lean into them!
Bottom line: showing love for your foster child boils down to really seeing the child for who he or she is as an individual. Watch, listen, and seek out clues. “Learn” this child; get a handle on their core identity. And then let this knowledge be your guide in showing your foster child your deepest love and respect. After all, it’s why you do what you do.
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